“The Art of Gathering-how we meet and why it matters” is a best seller written by Priya Parker. I got it in 2023 and it’s become one of my very favourite books.
Priya Parker wrote this book to challenge the reasons and the way in which we get together-whether it’s a wedding, a business meeting, drinks after work, and even Sunday family dinners.
Some of her ideas definitely run against convention. But that’s exactly why I think it’s such a necessary book. I think I took it to heart because when I read it I was also re-evaluating some of my relationships. And I realized both the relationships and the gatherings might have to change.
Here’s an example: inviting everyone (including a relative you don’t like) to a family event because “it would be mean to exclude him.” Here's the problems: you don’t like him; he tends to get drunk and mean; and he usually manages to anger half the guests. Priya proposes it might be kinder–to all the other guests–to exclude that one relative.
I think her concepts have made me reconsider some of the events I host. For a while now, I’ve been more careful of who gets invited, because
- not everyone knows the other guests
- not everyone LIKES each other
- some folks don’t have anything in common
“The Art of Gathering” challenges the reasons behind ALL types of gatherings. As an example, she uses the “work colleagues dinner.” It’s a fine idea, except that beyond eating together, what’s the purpose of the dinner? What will you talk about? Do those colleagues even want to spend time together-or get to know each other beyond the 9-5? And that’s where Priya challenges the reader.
The whole concept is to go beyond what’s expected. For instance: you know a bunch of folks that are huge Dr. Who fans. So have those folks over, and binge the past 3 seasons....and then discuss your favourite Doctor/Companion.
How about this: a bunch of you are going to Spain. Consider getting together with a native Spanish speaker and practice your new language.
Ask people to participate. Ask them to come prepared. Heck, even have a set of questions that you’ll all be discussing. Just don’t do it for the sake of “getting together.” After all, how much small talk can you really do?
For most people, time is now our most precious resource. This August I’m planning on spending it with people I adore and enjoy being around. And I’ll make it a priority to go beyond the expected coffee dates or dinner.