The image below expresses a feeling that I’ve found to be 100% true.
Making friends as an adult is damn hard.
I moved back to Ottawa in 2000 after living in southern Ontario for years. I hadn’t kept in touch with anyone from university.
Needless to say, I had no network of friends to fall back on.
So it took me a long time-a L O N G time-but eventually I made some rather excellent friends.
it’s no wonder that it’s so hard to make friends after school is over. We’re usually busy establishing a career, or getting into a serious relationship, or getting married, or having kids.
After returning to Ottawa I’d meet women I thought I could be friends with. Only to realize they didn’t have time or interest for much beyond their children and families.
Here's a funny incident I’d like to share:
My sister had this friend, who was divorced and had 2 girls, and they lived in our neighbourhood. I liked her, so we all got together at her place for coffee one day. Her little girls could not understand why there were 2 other women taking their mother’s attention away. So the younger one sat on the floor, and literally “chained” herself to her mother’s leg, in "ball and chain" fashion. It was quite comical.
And that was the end of that budding friendship.
Not long ago, I met a woman at a business event, and we really hit it off. We laughed at the same things, had the same sarcastic wit...it was magical. In the spirit of networking, I sent her an email and asked whether she’d like to have coffee and get to know each other. It took her a while to respond, and when she did, I was not ready for her response.
Her email was quite curt. She stated that she had a lot going on in her life, both personally and professionally. And “to be honest, I just don’t have time to make friends.”
It honestly felt like someone had slapped me. I felt like a child, being taken to task. And I felt stupid. And embarrassed.
Alas, I survived. And over the years, I’ve persevered. I’ve made friends in all kinds of places. On Twitter (she’s in Germany and has come to Canada 2x to visit). Over a zoom meeting during Covid. On vacation, as part of a tour group. And at networking organizations. My sister’s friends.
I have to say that being part of Women’s Business Network of Ottawa has been really crucial for me in terms of meeting women I want to be friends with. I’ve been extremely fortunate to find amazing women there...and although some may no longer be part of the organization, our friendships continue.
What’s the moral of this story?
Making friends as an adult is HARD. And it’s WORK.
But if you persist, I believe you will eventually find “your people.” But you need to keep asking people for coffee. Or texting. Or whatever you’re comfortable with. Because eventually you’ll find the folks that will become dear friends, enrich your life, encourage you and grow with you. Even in middle age.
If this talk of friendship is resonating with you, you might want to listen to the May 8 episode of “The Man Enough Podcast.” This episode explores friendship between men-and I absolutely loved it. Here’s the link: